


Chaos and Confusion

by LaMorelleNoire



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: F/M, Fake AH Crew, Jack and Ryan slow burn, Starts as a joke and gets out of control, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2018-10-08 10:31:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10384689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaMorelleNoire/pseuds/LaMorelleNoire
Summary: A series of FAHC oneshots. Just random shenanigans of their destruction of Los Santos. I own no characters, just the situations.





	1. The FAHC

“ _Shit!_ ”

“ _Get down!_ ”

“ _Where are they coming from?!_ ”

“ _FUCK!_ ”

There’s the hiss of a rocket, an explosion, then the radios of the surrounded members of the Los Santos Police Department go silent.

Under the sound of the screams and explosions, laughter can be heard from a man in a leather jacket, a rocket launcher in his hands, and a skull mask covering his face. He loads in another rocket and fires it at another group of police cars, another explosion filling the air.

"Nice shot Ryan!" The call comes from a curly-haired man, a minigun in hand, mowing down anyone who got too close. Gold flashes in the corner of his eye, a pair of golden pistols going off rapidly, the owner a man with a rather large nose wearing a pair of very expensive sunglasses that somehow never seem to break, yelling what sounds like British slang.

"Ooooooh you haven't seen the best yet!" The masked man, Ryan, laughs and pulls out... a flare gun? The remaining members of the LSPD look at each other in confusion, watching as the ball of light soars overhead...

And right into the open hood of a wrecked car.

The flames of the flare catch the oil instantly and the explosion is rather impressive. The police in the helicopters above the trio balk from the controls.

"Jack? You coming?" The British man asks, pressing a couple fingers to the communicator in his ear.

"Nearly there." A female chimes back. Moments later, two military jets streak by, blowing the police choppers out of the sky.

"SUCK IT!" A man's voice taunts through the communicator, the pilot visible as he turns: a purple jacket with a black beanie, covering darker, Puerto Rican skin, marks the sniper Ray. He laughs and pulls the jet up, giving room for Jack, the lone woman of the team. She doesn't mind, the men never trying to make a move on the pilot... mostly because they trust her too much with their lives.

"Did you get the package?" A sixth voice chimes in the earpieces of the five gathered on the road.

"We've got it, don't worry. That's why there's so many cops." Michael, the man with the minigun, reports.

"Then get the fuck out of there before Gavin destroys it!"

"Wot? I'd never!" Gavin, the Brit, protests.

"Yes you would you British fuck." The other voice sounds terse and stressed.

Jack rolls her eyes before she pulls away and lands the jet skillfully on the side of Mount Chilead, not too far from them. On the side is a cargobob they had planted before the heist. With a small smirk, Jack exits the jet and slides into the pilot seat of the other aircraft. She comes back and lands it, Michael getting up front with the package on his lap, Ryan and Gavin taking the firing positions on the open sides. "We ready?" Jack asks through the headset of the aircraft. Her comm is met with sounds of agreement before she takes off with the Crazy, Mad, and Unpredictable, an explosion sounding as they gain altitude: Ray destroying the vacant jet with a well-aimed rocket.

With Gavin, Ryan, and Ray as firepower, the trip back to base is fairly uneventful. Jack lands the cargobob on the roof of the Maze Bank building, the three men and one woman getting out. Ray circles the jet around before he makes sure he's a safe distance from the crew before he jumps from the jet, parachuting onto the roof carefully. The jet crashes below, causing even more mayhem. "Oops" is the only reaction from the Puerto Rican.

"Alright boss, We've landed." Jack reports.

"Okay now why the fuck aren't you here?" The leader of this little gang, Geoff Ramsey, demands. A lot is riding on the delivery of the package, the box in Michael's hands. "Our client is arriving in an hour, and if you're not here before he gets here we're going to have a lot of issues. I do not want issues with clients. Our clients keep us alive, rich, and happy. Do you understand?" The crew mumbles in agreement, none of them really joyful when Geoff is in a bad mood. Usually he just insults the shit out of them. "Good. Now get your fucking asses here now." The earpieces go silent.

"Wot's the fastest way down?" Gavin asks, figuring the answer isn't going to be one he likes.

"Parachuting is an option." Jack points out, but Michael shakes his head.

"Can't go down with this thing. Can't be damaged. Not too sure what to do to be honest." He bites his lip.

"I could fly you down in the 'bob and the rest could parachute for style." Jack chuckles.

"Ooooo that would look epic!" Gavin grins, the sunglasses moving to his head as the sun begins to set.

"Just make a decision before the boss decides to use us as target practice." Ryan sounds a little tense.

"We did. You three jump, Michael and I will fly down. And go!" She shoves Gavin almost off the building, but he catches himself.

"Wot the bloody hell, Jack?" He protests.

"Shut up and jump!" She barks back, getting in the cargobob again. Ray and Ryan exchange exasperated looks as they figure Gavin's going to get his ass handed to him later. Then they jump, chutes pulled after a few moments of falling. Gavin jumps a second after they do, pulling it when he's by them.

The landing for the three is less than graceful, Gavin stumbling as he hits the pavement. Jack lands the cargobob beautifully, it gently touching down before she kills the engine. Michael gets out and goes into Geoff's building. After dropping the chutes the other three men follow. Jack has her pistol and takes up the rear, checking for any cops. None. Coast is clear.

They ride up to the penthouse and get out, knocking on Geoff's door. "Fucking finally!" He huffs as he opens the door. The Crew piles in and there they wait for their client. He comes exactly one hour from when Geoff talked to them. A knock on the door is heard, Gavin opening it to reveal an amiable man with a kind face, some scruff, and spiked hair. "Hey guys! Got it?"

"Where's the money, Luna?" Geoff raises an eyebrow. He's in his usual suit, mustache carefully waxed and styled, and looking every bit the boss he is. He sets down his glass of whiskey on the table.

"Yeah yeah I've got that." "Luna" snaps and a couple men come in with briefcases. Geoff gestures to them and Michael and Ryan step forward and open them. One is full of $100 bills and the other with rounds of ammo of various kinds. Geoff nods in approval.

"Here you are." He gives Luna the package and the man doffs an invisible cap before he turns and swaggers out.

"Pleasure doing business with the FAHC!"


	2. Vagabond's Sanctuary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Ryan had a secret at home that he doesn't want anyone else to know about? Once again, I own no characters.

"Alright! Time for the weekly movie site draw!" Geoff pulls out six playing cards from the pocket of his suit. "Remember the rules: no exchanges, no refusals, and whoever pulls the joker gets to host us at their place this weekend. Michael and Lindsay really pulled out all the stops with that Harry Potter marathon."

"Hey just doing what I can." Michael shrugs, his brown leather jacket hanging on the back of his chair, a bottle of beer in hand. He smiles a little as he thinks of how much his girlfriend enjoyed it. He's the first to pick a card, grabbing the one Geoff directs him to. As he looks at it he isn't surprised that it's not the joker, but a jack of clubs. Geoff always made sure no one was picked twice in a row. He played fair like that.

"So when are you going to ask her to marry you?" Jack asks in a sweetly innocent voice, knowing Michael's been dancing around the subject for a while now. She picks her card and smiles: 7 of diamonds.

All eyes at the table swivel to Michael as he blushes a little. "I, uh, well I've been meaning to... just haven't found a ring yet or know how to yet. I don't want it to be the usual "down on one knee" bullshit. Too fucking cliche for us." He shakes his head.

"Mhm. Was worried you'd try to feed us that "oh we're not ready yet" or "haven't been together that long" bullshit. All ready to chew you out for lying to us." Jack chuckles and takes a swig from her bottle of beer before setting it down and adjusting her colorful Hawaiian shirt.

"Heyooo!" Ray lets out a cheer as he sees he's got the ace of spades, before he adjusts his glasses. It's not that he doesn't like the guys at his apartment, but his place isn't as large as Geoff or Michael's or Jack's, so it's a little cramped. Gavin has an apartment the same size as his, but Gavin isn't sharing with anyone, while Ray's girlfriend Tina lives with him. Ryan, well, no one's ever been to his place before.

"Take it Ray isn't hosting." Michael chuckles, raising an eyebrow at the noise Gavin makes as the Brit draws the king of hearts. The sound is akin to that of a bird being strangled.  
Ryan swallows as the final card is given to him. He takes it and sees the red joker laughing at him. Shit. His haunting black and red face paint hides his emotions well, but his heart is racing. He hasn't had anyone over to his place because frankly he doesn't want them there. His home is his sanctuary, where he's just Ryan Haywood and not the Vagabond, the FAHC's hitman and assassin. He shifts in his seat, his black leather jacket suddenly making him feel like he was boiling.

"Alright everyone, lay your cards down." Geoff announces and they lay the cards on the table.

"Ryan! Finally can see where you live." Ray leans back, the back of the chair cushioned by his purple jacket.

"How come we've never been to your place before?" Gavin asks, drinking some of his beer. "Ah bollocks!" He sighs as he spills some onto his royal purple shirt. He stands and goes to the sink to dab off the beer.

"Oh, how much are you gonna pay for your new shirt since you can't wash this?" Michael snickers scathingly. "Since, you know, you paid thirty grand for those fucking sunglasses."

"Oi, you know dry cleaning here isn't reliable, you prick!"  
Ryan calms a little as Gavin's idiocy turns the attention away from the fact that he still hasn't answered the question on why they never come over. Team "Nice Dynamite"'s argument is drawing everyone's attention. But it's not meant to last.

"Hate to say this, but Gav made a good point," Geoff shudders mockingly. "Why have we never been to your place before?"

Ryan knows he can't not answer Geoff, the Kingpin. "I just... don't really want anyone at my place... keep it private, y'know?" His almost bashful behavior is surprising to the rest of the Crew.

"Probably doesn't want us to see the torture chamber." Michael laughs.

"It's not a torture chamber!" Ryan protests.

"Alright, sex dungeon," Ray comments with a smirk. Laughter rings from five out of the six in the group.

"It's not that either. Please..." Ryan is visibly upset, even under the face paint.

"Alright guys, leave him alone." Jack chimes in, Ryan giving her a thankful look. "We'll see it this weekend anyway."

"Actually... I took a job for this weekend. Geoff I thought I told you about this a week ago." He frowns. He could have sworn he did.

Geoff frowns in thought, then he sighs. "Yes you did. You're off the hook this time, Haywood." He shakes his head. "Alright new drawing."

Ryan sits back, relief washing through him, as the cards are chosen again, this time Jack gets the joker and she sighs. Her place isn't terrible, but is definitely more feminine than the others. Not to mention they always come and mess some shit up. Usually with Michael drunkenly tackling Gavin for some reason.

"I'll make sure no one tackles anything and knocks over some of your plants, alright?" Geoff assures and she nods, having four plants to spruce things up.

"Thanks boss." She smiles at him in thanks.  
The Crew sticks around Geoff's apartment for a couple more hours, before they all depart to go home. Little did Ryan know that Geoff had texted an ally to put a tracking device on Ryan's car, genuinely intrigued and a little worried by his friend's secrecy.

††††††††††††

Ryan lets out a groan as he gets into the shower. His mission had gone well, just a simple hitman job to kill a major member of a gang rival to his client's. The poor fucker never knew what hit him... save the baseball bat that had crushed the man's skull. It had been an instant kill. The memory of it runs through his head as he watches blood and face paint run down the drain. He grabs the soap and washes himself off, getting the rest of the dirt and grime off his strong body. He finishes his shower and steps out, dries himself off, then gets changed into a set of black sweatpants and a T-shirt. He walks barefoot to the kitchen and starts to prepare dinner, brushing his hair from his face. As he does so, however, a crow flies onto the windowsill and taps on the window to get Ryan's attention. He notices it immediately, then jumps as the doorbell rings.

"Fuck!" He yelps in surprise, before he frowns. Who the fuck could... it... oh _fuck_ no! Did the guys fucking follow him?! No. Absolutely not. He storms to the door and opens it. Sure enough, there stands the Crew. They blink in surprise. " _What the fuck guys?_ "

"Ryan?" Michael asks, surprise clear. "Holy shit I th-"

" _Why are you at my house?_ " Ryan is seething. He feels violated. He asked them not to come. He had at least thought they respected him enough.

"You were being so secretive about it, I was worried that some really bad shit so I tracked you-" Geoff's cut off before he can finish.

"You _tracked_ me?" Ryan's anger is getting worse. His hands are balled into fists and he's shaking with rage. Maybe a couple of the inhabitants within the house could sense that, because soon the padding of massive paws and the jingle of a bell is audible. The Crew try to peek around Ryan to see what it is, but to no avail. Ryan, meanwhile, sighs and turns his head to see the brown Newfoundland dog with an orange tabby padding beside it. The dog barks and Ryan shakes his head.

"No, they're not coming in." Another bark. "I said no!" There's another bark, then a meow, and Ryan caves. "Alright fine, but only because you ganged up on me." He turns back to the Crew, receiving several odd looks. "You guys can come it. Just make sure to close the door." He stands back and grabs the dog by the collar.

Geoff is the first one in, holding open the door. He makes a face as the cat starts to rub up against his legs. "Ugh, going to have to get that off... dammit." He then sees the massive drooling dog and makes another face.

"I hold no sympathy, Geoff. I told you not to co-"

"Holy shit is that a bear?!" Michael cuts Ryan off to kneel and pet the dog, laughing as he receives big, wet kisses from it. He then pets the cat as it goes over to him and rubs against him. Michael is used to cats, as Lindsay has a couple.

"No you dumbass it's a Newfie." Ray comes over and pets the dog as well, as they're soon joined by a squawking Gavin. The Brit seems more attached to the cat, however, as he has a Siamese at home.

"Didn't think you were an animal guy." Jack shakes her head as she comes in last, closing the door. She came in last because she knows someone would have forgotten.

"You named this guy Mogar?" Michael checks the tag on the collar. "After me?"

Ryan, having been a little overwhelmed as the Crew all came in, rubs the back of his neck a little awkwardly. "Yeah, I uh, have an animal named after all of you. The cat's name is Ruby, after Lindsay."

"Not sure how I feel about that to be honest." Michael chuckles. Mogar seems instantly attached to his namesake.

"When you say "animals", how many do you mean?" Jack asks warily.

"I have a few." Ryan shrugs, then he goes into the next room, greeted by a cacophony of noises.   
"Okay I have some guests. Please behave." He says. The Crew exchanges looks before they enter the next room.

It's easily similar to a zoo; it's a large room that looks like the ceiling of the first floor was knocked out so the ceiling is vaulted high up. On the walls are perches for various birds. The walls have cages and tanks of all shapes and sizes, and there's animal upon animal in the room. There's a patio door that's open to a large yard, filled with animals as well. Behind the fence lies a pond with something floating in it.

"Holy shit." Geoff breaks the stunned silence as he looks around the room. "You realizes half of these are _illegal_ to own?" He says as he sees several birds of prey, what looks like a puma, a wolf, and a couple foxes.

"When have we sone anything legal, Geoff? And I rescued most of them from shady black market animal vendors or from carnies." Ryan shrugs and goes to a perch where a red panda is napping. "This one here, I found someone trying to sell him on the black market to make some money off the fur. Shut that down quickly and brought him here. His name is Pat." Ryan looks to Jack as he says this.

Jack frowns as Ryan seems to be addressing her, so she goes over to the red panda and looks a little closer. The color of the fur matched her hair. "Aww he's so cute!" She says as she pets him.

"And you said you named him Pat?" She checks and Ryan nods, a small smile on his face. The little guy certainly likes to sleep, not unlike herself. "Like Patillo?" She grins as he nods again.  
Ryan beams as he sees Jack so happy, then he chuckles as a little sugar glider plops onto Mogar's back.

"What this?" Michael crouches to look at the small animal, but it jumps onto his shoulder. "Aww it's cute!" He stands to show it off, but it dislikes its perch and it leaps, gliding to Gavin and landing on his head.

"Agh! Wot the 'ell?! Get it off!" Gavin starts to flail a little, but Ryan leaps over and grabs Gavin's arms to stop the movement. The sugar glider takes the opportunity to leap over to Jack and Pat. "Ryan get off!" Gavin protests.

"I didn't want you to hurt it!" Ryan snaps.

"Awwww Michael you're right." Jack says a little louder, in order to stop the argument. "It is cute."

"What is it?" Ray asks. He watches it glide over from Jack and onto his shoulder, where it crawls into the hood and curl up.

"That's X-Ray, a sugar glider. I actually bought him." Ryan explains, letting go of Gavin then heading into the kitchen to grab some food for the animals and bringing the bag out, muscles clear as he carries the heavy bag. He starts to dish out the food and the beasts flock to the bowls.

"Wot did you name after me, Ryan?" Gavin asks, a little excited after seeing the cuteness of Pat and X-Ray.

Ryan sets the bag of food on the kitchen table and seals it, then he takes Gavin to a small cage with a little black mass. He picks it up and hands it to Gavin. The Brit makes a little bit of a disgusted and disappointed expression as he sees the star nosed mole. "This is Vav." He offers it to Gavin.

Gavin, less than excited about the distinct not-cuteness of the feelers on the mole's face, holds out a hand and Ryan puts the mole in there. "He... he isn't very cute..." Gavin says, disappointment in his voice.

"He's better looking than you so you have no room to talk." Michael calls over, Mogar following him. "Ryan, I have to ask: how do you keep things so peaceful around here?" He's noticed most of the animals should be killing each other.

"Not sure... guess just raising them together makes them all chill with each other. Most were babies or fairly young when I rescued them." He shrugs and picks up the bag of food, putting it away, before he grabs what looks like a sack of raw meat. He starts to walk around, feeding the carnivores. He doesn't seem too bothered at sticking his hand in a bag of bloody meat. "I had to train them of course." He heads outside.

"Ryan, why do you wear the face paint and mask at everyone else's house but your own?" Ray asks, unable to stop petting X-Ray.

"It scares the smaller animals, like the smaller rodents." Ryan says simply, going to the edge of the pond that's just over the fence and tossing a few raw steaks in the water. The something moves over and huge jaws clamp around a piece of meat.

"Makes sense... is that an alligator?!" Michael goes to the fence, watching it. "How the hell did you get that?!"

"Oh, that's Edgar XII. And have you ever heard of gator jerky? Someone wanted make some, homemade. I had someone tip me off about it and I saved it." Ryan turns to go back inside, the bag empty. As he starts to go, however, he slows to a stop as a small antelope-looking animal strides across the yard, all sorts of animals cowering away from it, even though the larger carnivores should want to snack on it. Ryan gives it a small bow.

"What the hell?" Geoff sees this display of fear and respect to the antelope that couldn't be larger than a foot big. "What is that?"

"His name is King. He's a dik-dik." Ryan straightens and goes over to Geoff. "He kind of runs the show, which makes since as he's named after you, Kingpin." He goes inside to throw the bag away.

Geoff looks at the dik-dik and raises an eyebrow. Such an absurd name. As he watches it, however, the beast makes eye contact with him. Geoff can sense the kindred spirit from where he stood and he nods. Yeah, he likes the little guy. "So why do they fear him? He's so small!"

Ryan comes back and shrugs. "Don't know. Just sorta happened. Probably has blackmail on a few of them, and knows how to make their lives hell." He chuckles.

Geoff laughs as well, and King comes over to him. Geoff crouches down and reaches out to pet him, King moving his head up to nuzzle Geoff's hand. The connection was made instantly. "His little horns are so cool. Will he damage anything with them?"

"Ryan why is there a cow in a hole?" Michael interjects.

Ryan comes over to the poor trapped beast. "That's Edgar. Must have been wandering and a sinkhole opened up. I've been trying to get him out for ages, but it's too steep." He shakes his head. "I keep him fed and watered."

"You sick bastard." Michael shakes his head, but his tone of voice marks that he's just teasing. "We could help you sometime."

"Free Edgar 2017!" Ray laughs.

"You know, I think I'm warming up to this little guy!" Gavin says as he giggles a little. "The little feelers tickle!" He puts the mole in the chest pocket of his shirt.

"I knew you'd like him. Just be mindful that he likes the dark." Ryan nods.

"Are you letting us take them home?" Jack asks. She's holding Pat like a baby, the little paws over her shoulder and she is holding his little butt in place, tail draping over her arms.  
Ryan smiles as he sees the sight. "I don't see why not. The smaller ones should be easy enough to hide in a vehicle, and Michael won't have an issue if anyone sees a dog."

"Wot about my bike?" Gavin asks, worried for his new little friend.

"Keep him in a pocket or a little pouch or something and he'll be okay." Ryan nods. "Same with you Ray."

Ray gives a thumbs-up. "Alright. You've shown us the animals you've named after us... you said before you had an Edgar and an Edgar XII. So are there ten other Edgar's?" Ray raises an eyebrow.

"Well... there's more like thirty Edgar's." Ryan gives a small chuckle. "I wasn't feeling too creative one night and named one of the cats Edgar II, and it's kinda snowballed from there." He points to the wolf. "That's Edgar VI, the snakes over there are III, IV, and V, the puma is XVII, and XXX is Doolz's buddy." He walks over to a cage holding a couple chinchillas, one with distinct blue dye on its head.

"You named one after Jeremy?" Geoff asks, King at his side. "Why? He's in the B-team. We see him more in bars and strip clubs than on the job."

"Did you dye his fur?" Ray pops over.

"He's still a friend, isn't he? And I didn't do that. I was messing with some face paints one day and the little guy came over and he got some on his head. I can't wash it out because chinchillas can't get wet. He went over and rolled in dust to try to get it off, but that just dried the paint more and I managed to get the big chunks of paint out of his fur, the the blue just never went away." Ryan shakes his head. "On a different note, I have a bearded dragon named Dragonface for Kerry and a golden eagle named Gryphon."

"You named it after my wife?" Geoff raises an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Different spelling, and frankly Geoff your wife is badass. She could kill us with her bare hands." Ryan points out.

"He's not wrong." Michael agrees, the other Lads nodding in agreement.

"She is pretty terrifying." Jack says, petting Pat, loving the red panda already.

"I know this! Why do you think I do my best to spoil her and never piss her off?" Geoff laughs. "You're off the hook this time Ryan."

"Only did it to compliment her." Ryan raises his hands defensively. "Gryphon is a really strong hunter. And he can be vicious at times."

"Are all the animals male?" Jack cocks her head to the side, hand still running through Pat's fur.

"From what it sounds like, all of them are."

"All but Ruby." Michael points out, the cat now on his shoulders.

"Most of them are male, yes. Keeps things a little less messy during the mating seasons. I don't come home to animals fucking." Ryan chuckles and shakes his head. "And be careful with her, Michael. She just had kittens a month ago, so she's still rather delicate." He nods.

"Awwwww li'l kit'ens!" Gavin beams at the thought. "Could I take one to give Smee a friend?" He asks Ryan.

"Sure, when they're a little older. I don't think they should be separated from their mother yet. And you'll have to be careful they don't eat Vav." Ryan glares at Gavin.

"I won't let anything happen to him!" Gavin shakes his head and absentmindedly puts a hand over the pocket holding the mole.

"If we take them home do. we get food and shit for them?" Ray asks, honestly having no idea what sugar glider's eat. But he knows that Tina will adore X-Ray. It's small and cute. Women love small and cute things.

"Ah, yeah." Ryan jogs to his food supply and he grabs a couple things, before going off and coming back. He makes three trips to get everything. He brings out the food and a little perch for X-Ray. He grabs Pat's little hammock as well as bamboo. "Geoff, King will eat a lot of fruits and berries, but don't give him grass." He informs him, before he goes back to get Mogar's dog food and a dark tank full of dirt. "Gav this is for Vav. He's basically blind, but the feelers on his face will help him see. Also, the tank is full of little insects and worms for him to eat."

"Thanks!" Gavin goes to the tank and looks at it. "But how will I get it home?"

"We drove you here dumbass." Michael rolls his eyes, picking up the bag of dog food. "Holy shit this is fucking heavy." He grunts, and sets it back on the table. "Damn this guy eats a lot."

"He also likes to run around a lot, so make sure to take him on walks." Ryan nods.

"I think _he'll_ be taking _me_ on a walk!" Michael laughs, Ryan joining him.

Jack grabs Pat's things and she checks her watch. "I think I'm gonna head out. Thank you so much." She uses her most-freehand to wave and she leaves, Ray grabbing X-Ray's supplies.

"Shit I came with her! Jack wait! And thanks Ryan. You have the best place. And this was much better than a movie!" He waves and dashes after the redhead.

"Guess that's our cue to leave. You ready boi?" Michael asks Gavin, who nods, picking up the tank again. "Thanks Ryan. I can guarantee that Mogar will be spoiled." He laughs and heads out, hefting the food.

"Thank you. And sorry for being a prick before. I really do like the li'l guy." Gavin apologizes before he heads after Michael.

Ryan waves and smiles. "Well Geoff, you heading home? I could send Gryphon after you if you want him."

"Nah I think he could stay here. I'll ask my Griffon first and see what she thinks. I don't know about King... ah fuck it. You said they're trained to hide in cars?" Geoff takes his keys from his pocket.

"Yeah. But you have tinted windows anyway." Ryan points out. "And that makes sense. Have a good night, Geoff!" He smiles a little broader as he watches his leader leave, the little dik-dik following behind him. Ryan may not have been happy at first that they came uninvited, but he couldn't ask for better friends than those five.


	3. Animal Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So the Crew got little animals friends, here's what happens next.

**Geoff:**

Geoff never liked snakes. Most of it came from watching too many programs about how dangerous they are, not to mention finding a couple out in his yard while growing up in Alabama.  In any case, they are his greatest fear. The Crew knows this, of course, having found out when Ray played a prank on Geoff and left a rubber snake out. No one expected the man, the Kingpin, to freak out as much as he did. They still haven't let him live that down.

Naturally, when Ryan said he was at the door to Geoff's penthouse, the last thing he expected when he opened it was Ryan with a snake around his shoulders. Geoff shrieks and scrambles back. " _What the fuck?!_ Ryan you know I hate snakes!"

"Yes I know, which is why I brought him. I'm gonna help you get over your fear." He comes in and closes the door, the ball python's tongue flicking out. At the sight of it Geoff shudders.

"No warning? Maybe I don't want this!" He shakes his head. "Ryan you've gone too far!"

Ryan cocks his head to the side, looking a little hurt. "Did you always say that we shouldn't have any weaknesses? If any rival gangs got wind of your fear, they could cripple us. And also, snakes aren't that bad." He reaches up and strokes the smooth head of the python.

Geoff shakes his head again, but he takes a couple hesitant steps forward. "I know the point you're trying to make... I'm guessing your weakness is your home, right?" Geoff asks, Ryan nodding, the face paint making it hard to read his emotions. "Alright... and to protect Griffon... not that she needs protection." He snorts.

"Thank you..." Ryan steps forward, Geoff reflexively taking a step back, before he shakes his head at himself and takes that step forward. "Would you mind if Edgar IV went on you? Or should this be a proximity thing?"

"Another fucking Edgar? And please, don't put it on me." Geoff shakes his head. "Please."

"Like I said, it snowballed. And alright, we'll do proximity." Ryan nods, holding out his arm and allowing Edgar IV to slither to the end of his arm, vein rather close but not touching Geoff.

"Nnnngh..." Geoff gives a little noise of discomfort as his eyes lock with the snake, fighting every instinct that says to run away. It lasts for a couple minutes before he has to take a couple steps away. His heart is pounding, eyes still on the snake. "Sh-shit." He swallows hard and shakes his head. "F-fuck I didn't realize it'd be this hard."

"Well you're fighting the natural instinct to run away from something you find threatening." Ryan pulls his arm back, Edgar IV curling around his wrist. "If you want to be done, maybe you could come over now and then? Some of the other Edgar's might be comforting to you as well." He chuckles.

"Sounds like a plan!" Geoff agrees, wanting to try and get over this fear now.

That began an interesting sort of therapy session, with Geoff going over to Ryan's house in more casual attire, not minding fur getting all over his clothing as he sits on the sofa, while Ryan has his three snakes approach him. The first few end with Geoff being unable to stand it, but as time passes he warms up to them. After a couple weeks Geoff can at least pet the snakes.

Ryan, meanwhile, is just happy that he can help his friend and boss. He refuses pay, but Geoff always gives it to him somehow. Even if it's from moving the money from his account to Ryan's himself. Ryan has a lot to take care of, and Geoff will be damned if he lets his debts go unpaid.

**Jack:**

Jack acclimates quickly to Pat residing in her home. It isn't that different than having a pet cat or dog, and the little guy sleeps most of the day anyway. At night he's active, however, but Jack just sleeps through it all anyway, leaving her bedroom door open. After a little while, she begins to wake up with Pat curled up on the bed beside her.

After that moment, Pat would rarely leave her. Jack, who is rather deft in needlework, sews him a little aviator hat, complete with ear holes and goggles. The red panda doesn't mind it, and Jack also gets him a little collar with a name tag too, more so he doesn't get carted off to a zoo if he ever gets lost. Or if he does she'll know about it.

Geoff called her to be at the hangar for a mission and Jack is reluctant to leave Pat behind. it should be an easier one, from what it sounded like, so he should be safe. She bites her lip, then she grabs a duffle bag and carefully puts Pat in it, the red panda giving a little squeak as she does so. "Sorry." She gives him a little pet and puts some bamboo in a backpack along with a few other things. "Alright... you ready?" She asks him, and he gives a small noise in return. "Alright sounds good." She chuckles and leaves the room.

She drives to the hangar and nods to Geoff as she makes a beeline for a chopper, being extra mindful for any shooting. Fortunately there is none.

"Hey! What's in the bag? You normally don't have one." Geoff asks her.

"It's just some extra guns. So I just wait for the signal and head to extraction?" She asks, climbing and strapping herself in, the door open for Geoff to respond.

"Yeah. It shouldn't be too dangerous, but then again with Ryan and Jeremy working together things can get a little... unpredictable."

"Jeremy?" Jack raises an eyebrow.

"Ray's out for today. Has stomach flu. So we called in Jeremy. Now get going!" Geoff orders before he runs back to his car, leaving to bring backup.

Jack starts up the chopper and as she waits for it to fully warm up she takes Pat from the bag and sets him on the copilot seat, lowering the goggles and strapping him in with a special harness she made. "Ready?" A squeak sounds. "Good enough." She takes off.

The skies are clear and everything is pretty peaceful. She heads over to the waypoint Geoff had sent to her phone, and she mounts it to keep an eye on it. She's getting close... ah yes. She can see the pair on the ground, Ryan driving a motorcycle while Jeremy has one hand around Ryan, the other on that damned cowboy hat for his "Rimmy Tim" look. She rolls her eyes and follows them, getting a little higher to stay out of the way of police choppers. She's glad that there's a couple extra seats in the back. Pat's sleeping by this point, and she won't let the guys wake her little baby.

"Finally." She mutters as they make it to the point and she lands the chopper, Ryan and Jeremy piling in. "You set?"

"Just go!" Ryan orders and she takes off again, his order making sense as police cars begin to pool below them, a couple firing, but Ryan has the door open still and he fires a rocket from his rocket launcher, causing a massive explosion.

"You guys okay?" Jack asks as she flies. Both are in the back with weapons ready. Good.

"You guys do this shit all the time? What the fuck?!" Jeremy says in amazement. "Y'all are insane!" He shakes his head, more on lookout as he doesn't have a weapon to Ryan's caliber yet.

"You shouldn't be talking about insanity, _Rimmy_." Ryan retorts.

"Says the guy who wears a fucking mask and face paint." Jeremy quips.

" _Police chopper on your side Ryan_!" Jack exclaims, turning the chopper a little to let Ryan fire at it, it exploding in a ball of fire. "Nice shot!"

The rest of the flight goes fairly well, only a few more choppers show up before Ryan shoots them down. Then she believes the police gave up, not wanting to lose anyone else. Jack lands the chopper down carefully and the two men hop out. Jack goes over to Pat and unstraps him, taking some bamboo from her bag and feeding it to him before she picks him up and puts him back in the bag, before she heads out.

"Nice flying!" Jeremy pats Jack on the shoulder and she smiles, then freezes as Pat lets out a little coo. "What was that?" Jeremy asks.

Ryan comes over, having heard the sound. "Jack? What's in the bag?" He asks, having recognized the sound. "Did you seriously bring him?"

"Bring who?"

Jack blushes and opens the bag, Pat's head popping out. She raises the goggles and pets him. "What? He makes an excellent copilot."

**Gavin:**

_Gavin swallows as he stares at the carnage. He had been in charge of negotiations, per usual. He didn't look it all the time, but he's actually quite charismatic and intelligent. A lot more than the others gave him credit for. He had been talking to a dealer, trying to get them to work with him, with the FAHC, and in his earpiece he had heard Geoff inform that they were in position. They would only strike if things when wrong._

_"So why should I work with you? I've heard plenty of stories about you to know you're a dangerous bunch." The man asks._

_"Well, then you know we always need guns, ammo, and explosives." Gavin counters. Black market deals always go well for Gav, the Golden Boy. "So by working with us you would make a lo' of money."_

_"Very tempting... but the rival gangs could offer me more..." the man thinks. "They could give me a lot for killing you too. You and your buddies waiting outside."_

_Gavin's eyes widen and he dashes from the room, bursting into where the others were. "_ NO! _" He cries out, watching them be picked off by snipers. "_ Micool! _"_

_"Ga-" Michael had turned toward him and couldn't even get the word out as the bullet went straight through his throat, a spray of blood flying out of his mouth, then he slumped down, red puddles now growing from each member of the FAHC. Even Geoff._

_"Now there's one left..." Gavin feels a gun pressed to the back of his head, but the shock and grief make him unable to move as the trigger is pulled._

"NO!" Gavin sits bolt upright in bed, panting and shaking. He puts a hand to his head. "A... A nightmare...?" He shakes his head, trying to clear it. It had all felt so real. He puts a hand to the back of his head where his dream-self had felt the gun. He swallows as he feels a queasiness and he gets up, dashing to the bathroom before he vomits into the toilet. After several minutes he slumps back, still shaking a little. He's never had a nightmare that intense before. He pulls himself to his feet and rinses out his mouth before he brushes his teeth to clean out the taste.

He returns to his bedroom, sitting on the bed, but is reluctant to sleep. He glances at the clock, curious as to the time: 2:36 AM. Too early to have gotten any healthy amount of sleep, but too late to be able to do anything. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, nightmare still haunting him.

He isn't sure how long he sits there, mind unable to rest, and he's too afraid to look at the clock. He feels like it's been hours, but he knows it's probably only been minutes. A soft shuffle sounds from the corner of the room and he flinches back, hand instinctively going to his waist where he normally keeps his gun. Naturally his hand only brushes the bare skin of his torso and his pajama pants. He takes a deep breath, shaking his head. It's only Vav.

"Sorry li'l guy." He says, getting up from bed and going over to the cage with the star-nosed mole. "I've been making a lot of noise." He carefully picks Vav up and brings him back to the bed, where he sits again. A couple fingers stroke the animal down his back. Vav doesn't seem to mind, snuffling around, those feelers ghosting over Gavin's palm.

Gavin pets Vav, looking at him, and he realizes that with each touch of the feelers he seems to be comforted a little. "Thanks Vav... ugh I don't know why my nightmares get worse..." he shakes his head. "And I'm sorry for how I reacted to you when we first met. I was a proper arsehole. I looked at you and dismissed you... I did to you what the other lads do to me. I'm sorry." Gavin swallows hard past a lump in his throat.

"I know that the lads mean well, but constantly being called dumb or stupid wears on me after so long... it hurts. No ma'er wot I do, it seems like they don't care about me as much. That I'm expendable, that I'm more of a liabili'y." He pets the mole again, the little feelers on his palm pulling a small smile from him. "I'm not sure you can understand me, but thanks for listening anyway." He stands and puts Vav back into the cage, before he falls asleep, no dreams plaguing him.

**Ray:**

Ray Narvaez Jr. is a man of simple tastes. He usually spends his days off from the missions and heists relaxing in his apartment, playing video games. Today is one such day.

He's gotten rather used to X-Ray gliding from thing to thing, and he finds it kinda cute. On the plus side so does Tina so she doesn't mind the sugar glider. X-Ray, today, is out of his cage, gliding from perch to perch and now and then landing on the sofa, which forces Ray to get up and put him back on a perch, a grumble coming from the Puerto Rican every time.

"God _damn it X-Ray_!" Ray exclaims as the animal lands right onto the controller, where he licks Ray's fingers. Ray pauses the game and picks X-Ray up, putting him on a perch again. "Now stay. I can't keep playing the game of you always make me pause." He scolds the marsupial, before returning to his place on the sofa.

Ray plays his game for a little longer, the clock on his wall marking the passage of time. Soon it's past one in the morning and he doesn't even notice. But unfortunately for him, sugar gliders are nocturnal.

" _Fuck!_ " Ray curses as X-Ray once again lands on his hand. "Now is not the time for that X-Ray!" He puts his pet into the hood of his jacket, hoping that'll keep him occupied. Ray continues on with the boss fight of the game. He's so close to winning...

"Yes!" He cheers as he beats the boss, and the next area opens up. He saves the game and goes to continue with he sighs as x-Ray is once again on his controller. "Fucking hell X-Ray what is your problem tonight? Do you want to be as annoying as possible?" X-Ray makes a chattering noise that's so cute Ray can't help but smile. "Alright fine."

He puts X-Ray on his shoulder before he gets up and turns off his xBox. "There. You happy?"

X-Ray chirps.

"Good enough for me." He sits on the sofa again and pets the marsupial. "I do have to say I like spending some time with you. You're surprisingly fun to talk to for being an animal." He chuckles as X-Ray nuzzles him a little, chirping again. "Yeah see you give responses like that." He pets his little animal friend.

"Y'know, I should get you a lady friend. Having a female companion makes things a hell of a lot more fun. Plus then you also have someone to spend time with. I've got Tina, who is amazing by the way. You don't see her a lot because you sleep most of the day. But she's one of the coolest, most awesome, loving, and kindest people you will ever meet. I got real lucky finding her. Still not entirely sure how I managed that." He chuckles, laying down with X-Ray on his chest. "I'll do some research tomorrow, you shouldn't be lonely." Ray yawns and his eyes drift closed, a content smile on his face.

Tina smiles from her place in the doorway to the living room, having heard Ray's words about her. She walks over and tenderly puts X-Ray in his cage, before she turns off the TV. She goes over to Ray and kisses his forehead, pulling a blanket over him before she heads back to bed, thinking about how blessed she is to be dating a man like him.

**Michael:**

"Hey Lindsay... how many cats is too many?" Michael asks his girlfriend, looking over to her. He's currently sitting on his sofa, his minigun in several pieces on the coffee table in front of him on towels, cleaning the weapon meticulously.

"Oh Michael. You can never have too many cats." Lindsay shakes her head, her artificially red hair framing her face cutely. "But so we don't get too many complaints I'd put it at a solid five or six. You scare the shit out of the landlord so he won't try and fuck with you about it." She chuckles, going over and sitting beside him. "Y'know, I'll never get past how impressively complex this piece of shit is."

"Hey! Baby is _not_ a piece of shit. She's very important and has saved my ass frequently." Michael counters.

"You fucking named it _Baby_?! Are you cheating on me with your gun?" Lindsay exclaims, just teasing him.

"Hey it's important to me. But nothing is as important to me as you, Lindsay." Michael replies smoothly, and Lindsay rolls her eyes.

"Oh don't give me that cliché romantic bullshit. Thanks though." She kisses his cheek. "Why did you want to know about the cats?"

"Well you know how I have Mogar?" Michael asks, the large dog lumbering into view upon hearing his name. "Well Ry has a cat named Ruby, after you, and she's pretty good pals with Mogar. But she had just had kittens so she couldn't be moved."

"He named a cat after me? Awww that's so sweet! Maybe I should date him instead." Lindsay laughs.

"Yeah and okay, wow. Rude. I let you live in my nice apartment for free and this is the thanks I get?" Michael shakes his head. " _Anyway_ I was wondering about asking him if I could bring Ruby and her litter home. I think she had four kits."

"So a momma and four kittens. That sounds perfect! It'd be so cute and there would be little cats everywhere that sounds amazing!" Lindsay gives a little squee of cuteness.

"Glad you like the idea." Michael laughs, continuing his work on cleaning his gun, Lindsay moving to the floor to play with Mogar.

††††††††††††

"So you want to take all of them?" Ryan raises an incredulous eyebrow. "Alright... but I hope you know it'll be a lot of work caring for them."

"Linds will love them. She doesn't have a job right now since her boss doesn't need her for voice acting yet." Michael shakes his head. "I mean it'll give her something to do too."

"Alright. They should be old enough by now. Remember to get them fixed as they grow up. I made the mistake with not getting Ruby fixed, but I usually don't have to as all of the other ones are male." Ryan scratches the head of a small owl that lands on his shoulder.

"Alright thanks Ry! I'll get them all tagged to." He nods, and Ryan raises an eyebrow as Michael looks both very nervous and very happy.

"You okay? You seem a little off." Ryan frowns. "What's going on?"

"Oh! I, uh, I'm gonna ask Lindsay to marry me today." Michael scratches the back of his neck and pulls the engagement ring from the inner pocket of his brown jacket. He opens the box to show Ryan the ring. It's quite nice. The band is a rose gold with a rose design holding a diamond surrounded by blood red rubies. "I had it custom made."

"Really pounding in that Ruby Rose theme, eh?" Ryan chuckles. "It's a very nice ring though. She'll love it."

"Oh it's not just that, you cheeky fuck." Michael shakes his head. "Roses are her favorite flower, and frankly the first time we met and hung out was after a bar fight and my nose was broken. She tended to me while I licked my wounds. We were both covered in blood but fucking hell that was a good time." He chuckles. "That's why the rubies are blood colored than rose colored."

Ryan smiles and takes his friend to where Ruby is laying with her kittens. "They're all yours. Good luck." He gives a little salute as Michael puts the momma cat and her kittens into a box and carries them out to his car. He stops by and gets four name tags for the kittens as well as ribbons for little collars and tying them around the neck, putting the ring on Ruby's ribbon.

††††††††††††

"Linds! I'm home with presents!" He calls over, carrying the box.

"Kitties!" Lindsay comes over. "Oh can I hold them?"

"Yeah. I'll hand them to you." Michael takes out a kitten and hands it to her.

"Will." She checks the tag. "Alright. So did you name them? Did Gavin help?"

"No, all me." He chuckles. He hands her the next one.

"You. Alright odd name for a cat. Hey that's you. No not you the cat." Lindsay shakes her head and then she's handed another. "Marry. You spelled it wro- oh." She sees the tag on the fourth kitten. "Me. Will you marry me... _Michael_!"

Michael is holding Ruby, the ring glinting in the light. "I had the idea the moment I saw Ruby and her kittens. So Lindsay Tuggey, what do you say? Will you marry me?" He bites his lip, a little nervous that maybe Lindsay isn't ready for that level of commitment yet. Then she grins and kisses him, the cats around their feet, forgotten for now.

"Of course, dumbass."

**Ryan:**

"Jesus Christ! Go go go go go!" Jeremy Dooley gets on the back of Ryan's bike, one arm around Ryan and his other hand holding onto his cowboy hat. "Fucking go!"

"I heard you the first fucking time!" Ryan snaps, the bike tearing off down the highway. He weaves in and out of traffic, Jeremy keeping an eye behind them.

"I think we're losing them! Nice work Ryan!" He laughs, patting his friend's shoulder.

"We're not out of the woods yet! Left!" He warns, taking his hand off the controls and firing some shots to the left. A man flies off his bike, shot in the shoulder. He groans in pain but that's ended real quickly as a car hits the man's head, crushing the skull in a spray of blood and brain matter, the car skidding off the road.

"Holy shit! Did you fucking see that?! His head popped like a fucking melon!" Jeremy exclaimed with a laugh, the sight soon behind them and blocking up the highway. Perfect.

"No I didn't fucking see it, Jeremy. In case you haven't noticed _I'm driving the bike_." Ryan says through clenched teeth, eyes scanning for danger.

"Geez, someone is full of vine- shit!" Jeremy lets go of Ryan and shoots a biker coming up behind them. He holds on with his legs, hand still on that hat.

"Dammit Jeremy! Pay attention!" Ryan looks up and sees the helicopter. "Alright Jack has eyes on us. We're nearly to extraction."

"Good! Ah shiiiiit there's more coming! Where do they come from?!" Jeremy grabs onto Ryan again and Ryan speeds up. He makes it to the point and Jack lands the chopper.

"You set?" She asks, Ryan diving into the chopper and offers a hand to pull Jeremy in, before unslinging his rocket launcher from his back and loading it.

"Just go!" Ryan yells at her, watching as the cop cars pool below them as they take to the air. He fires a rocket and the cars explode, his rigged bike making the explosion extra large. That should keep the cops busy for a while.

"You guys okay?" Jack asks them, and Ryan gives a thumbs up, too focused on looking for targets to answer.

"You guys do this shit all the time? What the fuck?! Y'all are insane!" Jeremy shakes his head in amazement. Frankly he's impressed, despite his words. He makes a silent promise to work hard, to move up to this team, to get off the B team. It's insane, yes, but fucking hell it's exciting!

"You shouldn't be talking about insanity, _Rimmy_." Ryan rolls his eyes, voice heavily sarcastic. His focus is pulled from scouting for a moment.

"Says the guy who wears a fucking mask and face paint!" Jeremy retorts hotly. He’s rather proud of the little character he made up, Rimmy Tim. It’s to him as the Vagabond is to Ryan.

" _Police chopper on your side Ryan_!" Jack breaks Jeremy out of his reverie and Ryan takes care of it with his rocket launcher. An orange ball of fire flares up as it hits the mark. “Nice shot!”

“I’d thank you but most of it is the autotarget.” Ryan shakes his head, Jeremy raising an eyebrow as the infamous Vagabond almost sounds… bashful? He thought the man would take pride in that. Then again Jeremy doesn’t know the man behind the mask and face paint, not like the others do. Not yet.

Ryan takes quick work of the remaining choppers seen on the flight and as they touch down Ryan hops out and stretches. The chopper is rather uncomfortable for the tall man. Jeremy comes around with the objective: a briefcase full of money. “We made that assignment our bitch!” Jeremy gives a celebratory “whoop” accompanied by a “hap hap!” or two.

“Yeah… although it seemed rather below my level… normally Geoff sends me on jobs that he knows only I can take.” Ryan frowns, it of course being hidden by his mask. While it may seem like he’s bragging, it’s true. Ryan has a special set of skills, all geared for killing, so a simple robbery like this was rather… small for him. This would be a job for Ray, who has the flu, apparently, or Michael.

“Jesus man lighten up! Team Battle Buddies finally had a mission together! We haven’t had one since coming up with the name!” Jeremy shakes his head. He pats Jack on the shoulder as she passes. “Nice flying!” He grins. He frowns as he hears a cooing from Jack’s bag. “What was that?”

Ryan hears the coo and he instantly recognizes it as a red panda. “Jack, what’s in the bag? Did you seriously bring him?” He shakes his head. Of _course_ she brought Pat on a mission!  
“Bring who?” Jeremy frowns, confused. That coo sounded like some kind of animal. He stares at the little head that pops out of Jack’s bag.

“What? He makes a good copilot.” Jack shrugs.

“ _Dammit Jack you could have killed him!_ ” Ryan reprimands her.

“Wait who is that? Ryan what is going on?” Jeremy looks between Jack and Ryan.

“It’s Pat!” Jack beams, petting her red panda. “Oh! Jeremy, I think Ryan has a chinchilla named after you.” She checks her phone, getting a text from Geoff: _He’s here, Ryan can come back._

“You have a chinchy named after me? Aww Ryan, that’s so sweet.” Jeremy teases. “So do I get to see him?”

“Oh! Yeah. Why don’t you come over now?” Ryan asks, calling his mechanic to drop off his car for him. “I’ll give you a ride. And Jack? _Never bring Pat on a heist again_.” He gives her a stern look. He took care of Pat for a good three years before he gave him to Jack.

“Alright! Hey I’ve never been to your place before. This’ll be fun! What’s it like?” Jeremy bounces from one foot to the other.

“It’s a real zoo.” Jack chuckles. “Well, I gotta go. See you later!” She waves and gets back into the chopper, taking off and flying away.

“She certainly knows how to leave in style.” Jeremy comments with a hand on his hat to keep it from blowing away. “Anyway, what did she mean by your place being a zoo?”  
“You’ll find out. Come on, the car is this way.” Ryan jerks his head in the direction of his car and walks that way, eyes on the map on his phone to see where it was parked. Once there he gets in and takes off once Jeremy is all buckled up. “Promise you won’t tell _anyone_ about it.” He gives Jeremy a stern look.

“Alright, fine. I won’t tell anyone.” The shorter man is a little intimidated by that glare. “Jesus, I don’t gossip.” He shakes his head.

Ryan nods and then drives in silence, at one point taking off his mask so he’s just in his face paint. Jeremy respects the silence until he sees Ryan’s mansion. “Holy fucking shit…” He breathes in awe. “You _live_ here?!”

“Yeah.” Ryan pulls up to his garage and parks his car in it. He unlocks the side door and is greeted with a cacophony of animal noises. “Yeah yeah I know I’m late! God just give me a break!”

Jeremy comes in and closes the door behind him, before he freezes in shock as he sees all the animals. “Holy shit… Ryan how did you…?” He walks around, looking at everything.

“I have connections that tell me about shady animal deals or bad carnies.” Ryan shrugs and goes to the chinchilla cage, taking out Doolz carefully. “Here. This is Doolz.” He hands the chinchilla to Jeremy.

“Awww he’s adorable! Did you dye his fur?” Jeremy pets the top of the animal’s head, right on that little blue patch.

“Nope. Little guy dipped his head in my face paint and couldn’t get it off. Chinchy fur can’t get wet and the dust made it dry faster. I picked out all the sticky bits so now it’s just permanently blue.” Ryan explains, closing the cage. He turns to go outside when he freezes.

A sick and hurt tiger is laying out in his backyard, the other animals kind of avoiding it. “That’s not mine…” Ryan frowns as he goes out and approaches it carefully. He kneels beside it and looks it-him- over. “Oh God…” He sees the burns on his paws and hurries back inside to grab some medicine. On his way back he hears a small, familiar snicker.

“Alright I know you’re there Gav.” Ryan turns and crosses his arms as Gavin comes out of hiding, followed by Michael and Geoff. “Okay why the fuck are you hiding in my house? And how did you get in here?”

“You forget I’m rather good at hacking.” Geoff reprimands Ryan. “And we were here because we got you a present.” He gestures outside.

“You mean the tiger?” Ryan raises his eyebrows before he goes out and over to the big cat, treating his burnt paws. “How the hell did you get him?”  
“Heard some carnies were in town and figured we’d scope ‘em out for you. Turns out they were burning this guy to get him to jump through some hoops.” Michael explains. “So we went in and liberated this guy.” He kneels and scratches the tiger behind the ears, the beast half-closing his eyes in contentment, feeling safe around these humans that rescued him,

“You went and stole a tiger from some carnies and brought him here… Alright.” Ryan shrugs. “He needs a name…”

“We, uh, actually already named him.” Geoff cuts in. He mostly wanted to prevent an Edgar XXXI.

“You did?” Ryan blinks in surprise. “What’d you name him?”  
“Well…” Gavin starts, scratching the back of his neck. “You named so many animals after all of us…”

“Uhuh.”

“So we decided to return the favor. Ry, meet Vagabond.” Gavin gestures to the tiger.

“You… you named him after me?” Ryan’s never felt more touched than he did right then. He runs a hand through that orange and black fur. “Th… Thank you.”

“Ryan are you crying?” Jeremy asks, Doolz on his shoulder. He looks stunned.

Ryan wipes his eyes hastily. “No idea what the fuck you’re talking about. But thank you. This means so much to me.” He grins, so happy he has friends like these.


	4. Eye of the Tiger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Same Voice go on a stealth mission with the help of a furry friend.

"Ryan I have an important job for you. It requires a lot of stealth, perfect timing, and a good knowledge for killing people." Geoff tells Ryan over the phone, the latter relaxing on his sofa, Vagabond with his head in his human's lap, and the hawk Edgar XVII on Ryan's shoulder.

"That sounds like fun. Solo or with a team?" He asks, petting Vagabond, already planning what to do. Then he looks at the big cat on his legs and he bites his lip. Can he risk Vagabond like that? Then again he's been training him... but still.

"I'm gonna ask Jack to go with you. You'll need a quick extraction. Not to mention she's the most stealthy out of anyone in the group besides yourself... when you want to be." Geoff snorts. "Never seen a man who loves explosions so much be so quiet."

"Just one of my many talents. So when is this going to be?" Ryan apologizes softly to both animals on him as he sits up to grab a pencil and paper to write the details down.

"The target is coming into town Thursday afternoon. He's the second in command of one of our client's, as well as our own, biggest rivals. If we take him down that's just one more chink until we can topple the group, which means more clients for us. Anyway, I have intel that he'll be alone in a secure facility after 10:00pm. That's when you two go in and take him out. But you _cannot_ be seen. Otherwise we'll be in deep shit. You got that?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. You'll be meeting Jack at the airfield at 9:30 that night. She'll drop you off a little bit away from the building so you can make your move. She'll then land the chopper and meet you inside. Once inside, I don't care what you do to kill him but as long as he dies I'll be happy. Not to mention you'll get a hefty sum of money for this too. I'll take my usual twenty percent, but even with that it'll be about a hundred twenty grand each."

Ryan lets out a low whistle. "Holy shit... our client clearly wants this guy dead... then again it benefits us really well too if that gang falls. Which one is it?" He writes down the amount of cash he could get and circles it.

"They call themselves "Screw Attack" or some dumb shit like that. They look like a bunch of idiots but they're good at what they do. Our client, by the way, is Miles Luna. He and his boss Burnie want Screw Attack gone."

"Gotcha. Was wondering when I'd see Luna again. It's been a while since we've had a job with him. He still asking to go out for drinks?"

"After he gave me the job. I have to keep reminding him I don't drink with clients. Once he's off the roster I'll go, but he gives his usual laugh and assures me he'll keep coming to us for work for a long time." Geoff laughs and Ryan shakes his head. "And this happens about every time he calls. Then again, he only calls about once a month. Last time I gave it to the B-Team with Ray in charge. Surprisingly they did well. It was just a simple heist. Then the time before that was when all five of you went out."

"Yes I recall. You're rambling a bit Geoff. I think you're showing your age." Ryan laughs.

"Hey I'm not that much older than you! Fuck you man!" Geoff says indignantly, but Ryan can hear the smile. "So yeah, be where you need to be on Thursday with whatever weapons you need and it should go fine."

"I will be. Don't worry." Ryan checks his notes. Everything looks fine.

"Good. Don't forget to check up with me once your done. By then I should have the cash. Have a good murder spree." Geoff chuckles then he hangs up.

Ryan sits back then looks at Vagabond. "Hey bud how do you feel about going on a mission?"

The tiger gives a low growl and headbutts Ryan gently.

"Seems like a yes to me. I made you some armor so you should be safe." He pats his head. "So the heist is in a couple days so that means some training and preparation." He goes to his weapons cache in the basement of his house.

He really thinks about what he needs, knowing it can't be anything noisy. He takes his silenced pistol and a hunting knife, as well as a couple throwing knives. After a moment of thinking he grabs his crossbow and quiver of bolts. There. Completely stealthy. Sure the weapons are more… old fashioned, but most guns these days are too noisy for a covert mission. He's taking the stuff upstairs when he bites his lip and grabs a garrote as well. He winds the wire into a coil then adds that to the pile. He heads up and sets the weapons on the kitchen table.

“Alright so I need Vagabond Jacket 2.0.” He murmurs to himself, writing it on a sticky note and sticking it to the table. He has no issue leaving it there until heist day. No one visits and the animals know not to mess with it.

“Vagabond Jacket 2.0” looks exactly like his usual black and blue one, save there's about four extra pockets on the inside, one on each sleeve, and another on the outside. Each pocket is spacious enough to hide his garrote and knives, the pistol fitting in the inner pocket. Only the crossbow and quiver can't fit in it.

Ryan heads up and checks on his usual black skull mask and nods in approval. The cranium part is more of a helmet, and the face part is more breathable so his face with the paint doesn't get too hot. He sets it down and goes to see his paint supply. Almost out of red, damn. And he doesn't really have time to get more before the raid… he looks at the black and while and considers just using that instead. “Would certainly be cooler.” He comments to himself. “The full harlequin can get pretty hot.” He stretches and goes to his laptop, looking up designs. He eventually finds one he likes. Perfect. Now it's a waiting game.

††††††††††††

It's the night of the mission and Ryan is waiting at the airport for Jack, Vagabond pacing around his feet. Ryan gives him an affectionate pat whenever he can. In the few days before the mission he trained a bit with Vagabond, making sure the tiger wasn't jumpy around gunshots or helicopters and also that he could move well with his armor, which he now wears. He keeps an eye out for that chopper. He checks his watch: 9:29 PM.

As soon as the minute ticks to 9:30 the sound of rotors is audible and Jack approaches. She lands and then sighs as she sees Vagabond. “Really?! You're bringing him?!”

“You brought Pat to pick me and Jeremy up a couple months ago!” Ryan retorts, getting into the chopper, Vagabond lightly jumping in behind him.

“That wasn't into combat!” Jack exclaims, pulling up and flying over to the drop off point. “Pat wasn't in danger. Vagabond could be killed, Ryan!”

“I know that but I've trained him. Just watch.” Ryan shakes his head and he gets out of the chopper after it lands, Vagabond doing the same. Ryan checks his watch: 9:56. Four minutes until the target is alone. He quietly makes his way to the facility with Vagabond stalking behind him.

Once they're close, he gives a small signal and the tiger slinks away into the shadows. Ryan then approaches a window and glances into the building. There's a guard a little further down. He takes out the crossbow and stealthily opens the window and climbs in. The guard turns to face him, probably hearing the noise of the window, but is greeted by a bolt to the eye. The man dies almost immediately, and Ryan goes over and pulls the man aside, going into a nearby supply closet and dumping him there. “I'm in.” Ryan says into the communicator.

“I’m almost there.” Jack says, having landed the chopper at the extraction spot and she makes it to the house. She sees a shape and in a band of light it shows to be Vagabond, stalking a guard. The man doesn't hear, and he doesn't even know what hits him as the 400-pound cat pounces on him, killing him swiftly with teeth sinking into the back of his neck, jerking his head and snapping his neck with a sickening _crack_ , before moving on. “What the fuck Ryan?” Jack says softly to herself as she watches the cat move away from the kill, the man’s had at an odd angle. She shakes her head and enters through a window as well, after making sure there's no cameras. She lands lightly and then moves to a more hidden location to look for guards. “Alright I’m in too.”

“Okay. We know which room he’ll be in. I'll meet you there.” Ryan responds, before he moves on. The place is full of guards, but they don't expect a thing. Rounding a corner he finds one on patrol, and waits a moment before a crossbow bolt is fired. Blood splatters the wall and the floor in front of him as the man falls, and Ryan moves on. He checks for any cameras and he shoots a bolt at any he finds, shattering them. He turns around after shooting a camera to be standing face to face with a guard, a gun barrel to his chest.

“HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!” The guard demands, and Ryan does that, his blood running a little cold. He'd contact Jack but he knows if he even moves to put two fingers to his ear he’ll get a 9mm bullet to the chest. Sure he's in body armor but it's light for more mobility and at point blank range it could still kill him. But then he gets an idea. He whistles a little melody, causing the guard’s eyes to narrow.

“The fuck are you doing, you freak?” The guard asks, taking a step back. Is this man really so cocky that he can be so casual at a time like this? They take in the skull mask and jacket before their blood runs cold. The Vagabond. The FAHC’s hitman and power player. “Shit…”

“Oh goody! You know who I am then!” Ryan says cheerily, but also with a frosty edge. The chuckle that follows makes the guard wonder how insane this criminal is. “Let’s see if you know him.” Ryan jerks his chin behind the guard and they turn, letting out half a strangled cry as Vagabond pounces on the guard. Ryan takes a step back as blood splatters across the floor as their throat is ripped out, and he makes a face as he gets blood on his shoes. “Awww I just cleaned those…” Ryan pouts a little. “Nice work bud.” He pats the head of the tiger, who gives a happy growl. With that the pair moves on.

Jack, meanwhile, has gone a side route, less guarded meaning less problems. She wonders how Ryan is doing, same with Vagabond. She certainly hopes nothing happens to the big cat. Ryan at least has body armor. Vagabond, if he got shot, would be in a lot of pain, and Jack doesn't want to think about what Ryan would do if Vagabond got shot. It'd be a bloodbath. She sighs and turns a corner, finding a guard. She pulls the pin on a smoke grenade and tosses it down the hallway, slipping on a small air filter over her nose and mouth. She goes into the smoke, the guard’s coughs masking her footsteps and the small click as she snaps open her knife with the flick of her wrist. She slits the man’s throat and moves on. “Ryan I'm approaching the target.”

“Copy that. We're nearly there as well.” Ryan replies, and Jack raises an eyebrow as she hears a growl in the background. Seems like the two met up. Ryan moves forward and then curses as he sees five guards around the door of the target, all ready to fight. “They know we're here.” Ryan says after ducking back into cover.

“Alright I see them. I have an idea… make sure you've got cover.” Jack warns. Once she gets an affirmative from Ryan she tosses a flash bang into the room. As a couple of the guards are dazed she rolls in and fires two shots with a silenced pistol. She dives out of the way of a shot, aiming at her attacker. There's a soft _whoosh_ then the man’s head jerks back as blood dribbles from the knife now protruding from his forehead like a unicorn horn. “Thanks!” She says, shooting a guard in the leg. As he falls she shoots his head.

“No problem.” Ryan holds out a hand and helps her to her feet. “Well, they definitely know we're here now.” He says, throwing a knife and hitting a guard in the back of the neck as she was going to trigger the alarm.

“Not if there's no one left to tell. Isn't that how you usually do it?” Jack quips, chuckling. She looks for the last guard but can't find them. Next thing the pair knows there's a whirring noise and bullets start shredding down the hall.

“Fuck!” Ryan curses as he dives for cover, Jack going the other way. He lands on his side and then groans and grips his leg, blood coming from where some of the bullets got him. They all grazed by but it's pretty deep.

“Ryan!” Jack cries out, before she chances a look around the corner, before quickly pulling back. “Do you trust me?” She asks, sliding a medkit over to him.

Ryan quickly pulls it to safety and starts tending to his leg. “I trust you with my life, Jack. You know that. But if you're going to go out and do something heroic and stupid… aren't you forgetting someone?” He asks.

Jack jolts and looks around, but sees no sign of the tiger. He must have slipped away at the flash bang. “That sly bastard.”

“Of course he is! I trained him myself.” Ryan grins, looking quite proud, before it turns into a wince as he touches a sensitive point as he's cleaning the wound. He then bandages it, mostly wanting a temporary fix. He tucks in the corner. “He should be in position now… Jack get ready to go through that door.”

“Roger.” Jack checks her ammo and shrugs. Three bullets should be enough. She nods to Ryan, who puts two fingers at the corner of his mouth, before giving a shrill whistle.

Jack sits back and waits, and it's not long until she hears a growl, a scream, then a crack. She winces at the crack. “He's fucking brutal.”

“Well, I don't let him hunt so this the best alternative.” Ryan shrugs, smiling as the tiger, his mouth and paws stained with blood, both fresh and dried, comes over. “Now you go handle the target.”

“Right.” She nods. She gets up and bursts through the door, gun at the ready. Their target, a nerdy looking fellow with fairly long, red hair, sitting in front of a computer. He raises his hands and swallows.

“Look I don't know… wait… you're from the FAHC.” He narrows his eyes. Naturally he'd recognize her. They're big competitors. Of course she now recognizes him, she just never cared too much to learn his name.

“Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.” She shrugs and approaches him, cocking the pistol and pointing it between his eyes. “All you need to know is that your life ends now.”

The man laughs. “Ha! You’ll never get out of here! The place is crawling with guards!”

“It was.” Jack chuckles. “My partners and I took care of them. Now it's just you.”

“Hey! Quit dicking around and fucking shoot him already!” Ryan says from the other room. He's wrapped, but the wound still hurts like a bitch and really needs proper medical attention. He'll have to text Caleb or Trevor about that. Both are pretty good medics.

“Almost done!” Jack replies. “Anyway… see you in hell.” She says as she shoots, their target’s head jerking back as blood splatters across the computer screen, which displays columns of different transactions and some screens on lists of clients and then targets. She scrolls through the targets list and stops as she sees the group of “FAHC”. Under that are the names of the main crew as well as the B-Team. She bites her lip, then with a few clicks of the keys she sends everything to Geoff, then takes the flash drive in the computer before she wipes the computer and heads out. “Sorry, found some intel.” She holds up the flash drive.

“Very nice… now help me get up.” Ryan says through gritted teeth. Jack kneels and puts Ryan’s arm around her shoulders and helps him stand, grunting with the weight. She feels herself losing her balance when suddenly something warm and furry is helping her get her balance. She smiles as she sees Vagabond against the back of her legs, keeping her upright. “Thanks Vaga.” She nods, and the tiger lets out a meow. She chuckles again. “Alright Ryan, time to get you to the hospital. Get that leg looked at.”

“Just ask Caleb or Trevor to care for it. No need to take me somewhere where we could be found.” Ryan shakes his head. “And Vagabond wouldn't be able to come in either. And I'm not gonna leave him alone by the chopper.”

“Fine, fine…” Jack reaches for her pocket, but instead she stealthily pickpockets Ryan’s phone off him, him too focused on walking and also the pain letting it go unnoticed. She pulls up the phone and calls Caleb. “Hey Caleb, I got a nasty leg wound and need patching.” She says, Ryan looking at her with shock and horror. Her voice is almost a perfect imitation of his own.

“Sure thing! Just come on by. I'll be waiting for ya at the drop off point.” Caleb replies, none the wiser.

“Thanks bud. I'll be there in fifteen.” Jack then hangs up and tucks Ryan’s phone back in his pocket. “Thought you should make the call.”

“You… but you're… _how_?” Ryan stammers, very confused as to why Jack, the lone female of the main group, can mimic his voice so well.

“Dunno, just found out I could one day while I was bored and then practiced it. Is it weird?” She asks, shifting her voice to his.

“Fucking _Christ_ yes!” Ryan nods his head. “How long have you been able to do this?”

“A few months? Also… Geoff might also possibly have the idea we might be be fucking… maybe.”

“ _What the fuck Jack?!_ ” Ryan looks at her incredulously. “ _Why?_ ”

“He's called my place early in the morning before and I tested my imitation on him then just went with it. So… yeah.” Jack gives a little awkward smile. “Sorry?”

“Jackeline Shannon Pattillo if I wasn't injured right now I'd kill you.” Ryan says, shaking his head, but Jack picks up on the smile in his voice. “You need to tell Geoff about this though… like I really don't want them thinking we're fucking… I respect you too much… also after this I don't think I ever could.” He chuckles. “Don't really want to hear my own voice during that. At all.”

Jack laughs as they near the front doors. “That would be hysterical.” She is about to do an impersonation but she's laughing too hard.

“You're an asshole.” Ryan laughs with her.

“Oh please… give me more… Ah.. ah!” Jack says, using Ryan's voice.

“Dammit Jack stop!” Ryan shakes his head. It's definitely unnerving, that's for sure. “Fucking creepy.”

“It's just a bit of fun, Ryebread. Maybe I can get Caleb to remove the stick up your ass too.” She snorts.

“Just get me to the chopper so I can jump out.” He grumbles, glad the mask hides how red his face is.

“Now what kind of attitude is that?” She laughs and helps him to the chopper, which isn’t too far from the base. “How’s the leg?” She asks.

“Hurts like a bitch but at least I won't need an amputation.” He shakes his head. “I'll be fine.”

“You will be fine since I’m taking you to Caleb.” She responds. “If I wasn't it'd get a little dicey. You need help as soon as possible.” With that, she picks up the pace a little as she takes him to the helicopter. He stumbles a little, but then he gets his footing.

It's another ten minutes of slow going until they reach the helicopter. By then Ryan’s really shakes on his feet, the blood loss starting to get to him, as well as the daze of pain he's in. “Fuck…” he grits his teeth as his foot catches a patch of uneven asphalt and jerks his bad leg, causing pain to shoot through it.

“We're here Ry. Stay with me.” Jack says, pulling him into the helicopter, Vagabond helping push his human up a little, and she sits him in a seat, strapping him in. Vagabond jumps in and growls, staying by Ryan. “I'll get him to safety.” Jack promises, patting the tiger’s head before she moves to the cockpit and takes off, going straight to their private “hospital”, essentially a sterilized safe house full of medical supplies and tech. She lands on the helipad and gets Ryan from the helicopter, Caleb coming up to the pad and helping her carry him.

“Jack you should rest. You look exhausted.” The medic says, taking Ryan’s full weight. “I'll get it from here.”

“Thanks…” Jack backs off and bites her lip. “He's lost a lot of blood… I don't think he has any bullets in him but it got him pretty bad.”

“‘M fine…” Ryan groans, mostly conscious. “Just… a flesh wound.”

“Ryan it's worse than that and you know it.” Caleb says with a sterner tone that's rare for the gangly man. “So just shut up and stop putting on a brave face. You're around friends now. We don't give a fuck if you show weakness.”

Jack raises an eyebrow, a little impressed by the strength and conviction in Caleb’s voice. She never expected that from him. Then again he's in business mode. She turns as she hears a soft mewl behind her and Vagabond is bounding over. She pats his head and follows Caleb inside. “It'll be okay Vaga.”  She assures the beast.

Caleb takes Ryan to the main infirmary room and takes off the bandaging, already soaked with blood. “Fucking hell…” he grumbles as he sees it and then he starts cleaning the wound a little better with some disinfectant. “Jack can you hold him steady so he doesn't end up kicking me?” He asks.

Jack nods and goes over to Ryan, putting a hand on his thigh and holding it down as Caleb cuts the jean fabric away, then he starts cleaning the wound. Ryan grits his teeth and reflexively kicks out, but Jack keeps that from happening. She does take his hand, though, which is immediately almost crushed in his grip. “We'll be okay Ryan!” She assures him, then she looks up at the door as the rest of the Crew comes in, going over and standing by Ryan.

“Bloody ‘ell… wot ‘append?” Gavin asks Jack, putting a hand on Ryan’s shoulder to help hold him back.

“A bitch with a minigun. Shredded the side of his leg. It's not bad enough to amputate. Right?” Jack asks Caleb for confirmation, who pauses the cleaning to inspect the wound better.

“Nope. It all grazed by. There's going to be a few weeks recovery where he's not allowed to walk to keep the stitches from breaking, but after that he'll be good to go.” He continues disinfecting, leaning back at the reflexive kick.

“Damn Ryan…” Michael whistles and he kneels and holds down the leg Caleb’s working on. “So I'm guessing you barely missed getting hit too?”

“Yeah.” Jack nods. “Luckily Vagabond was there to help.” She nods to the tiger, who’s laying on the ground, watching the people around Ryan.

“Shit I didn't even notice him!” Geoff lets out a yelp and moves away from the bloodstained tiger. Then he frowns and kneels beside the big cat. “Hey… I think he got hit…” he reaches over and pulls a bullet from the armor, which barely broke and left just a wide but shallow scratch on his left haunch. “Damn this armor is badass.”

“Thanks.” Ryan says, pain filling his voice. He has a moment of clarity as Caleb puts the disinfectant away.

“Alright… I’m going to sew it shut.” He says, injecting a numbing serum into the area. Ryan relaxes as he can't feel the pain anymore. “Here's the kinda gross part.” Caleb warns as he gets the needle and thread.

“Dude you look high as fuck.” Ray comments to Ryan’s relaxed expression, the break from the pain a relief.

“Didn't you know…? I get high… off the smell… of blood…” Ryan jokes breathlessly.

“At this point I could actually believe that.” Michael snorts. “You're already a creepy motherfucker. It wouldn't be too far fetched.”

“Jublu!” Ray adds, pulling a breathless laugh from Ryan.

“Guess pain.. and blood loss.. makes you a little… little loopy.” He rests his head back, close his eyes. “This sucks.. Agh!” He grits his teeth as the needle catches a more sensitive part of the wound, the numbing agent not as effective there.

“Sorry!” Caleb apologizes and is more careful. “It's a little more sensitive here. So it'll hurt more. I'd give you more of the numbing agent but I don't want to overload your system.”

“Eugh that's nasty.” Geoff comments, watching Caleb work with morbid curiosity. The needle and thread passes through flesh so easily, pulling it together.

“Then why are you watching it?” Ray asks, raising an eyebrow.

“It's like a car crash: you can't really look away.” He shakes his head.

Jack stays quiet, more just there, humming softly to comfort Ryan as he grips her hand in pain again. She sees the look Geoff gives her out of the corner of her eye, knowing he probably believes they're in a relationship even more from this. Jack honestly doesn't care. She's going to help her friend while he's in a lot of pain.

“Done!” Caleb pipes up a little bit later, binding off the thread and cutting the tail off the knot.

“F… finally… thanks…” Ryan says, eyes still closed. “Just gonna… take a nap.” His breathing steadies and deepens as he falls asleep, Vagabond going over and curling by his feet.


	5. Mourning Glory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The creation of the FAHC has many mysteries around it. This is how Geoff found Jack and recruited her, creating the nefarious gang.

Geoff sighs as he sits in his penthouse. It's rather lonely up here. Griffon didn't want to move in yet, wanting to get a few things taken care of at home before she does. He doesn't blame her: they’ve only been together for about five months. He gets up and goes to the minibar and gets himself a drink. He picks up a phone as it rings.

“Hey Burnie. What's up?” He says, taking his drink to the sofa and sitting down, flipping on the TV.

“Dude, there's someone you need to check out. I don't know how Luna found her, but she's fucking amazing.” Burnie Burns says excitedly.

“Whoa whoa whoa! Who the hell are you taking about? Also, in case you haven't noticed, I have a girlfriend.” Geoff says with a cold edge.

“No no no! She's, uh…” there's a shuffle of paper, “she's a mercenary. She's pretty handy with a gun but also phenomenal at handling anything that flies. Miles found her and she just went on a mission with us. Absolutely recommend her.”

“Alright what's her name and where can I find her?” Geoff grabs a pen and some paper.

“Her name’s Jack, short for Jackeline. She works at the florist downtown… what's it called…”

“Say It With Flowers?” Geoff suggests, having gone there a few times to get something for Griffon.

“Yeah! That's the place! She’s the ginger that works there.”

“Yeah I've seen her before.” Geoff nods and writes that down.

“Alright… now you have to order a specific bouquet for her to know it's a job. It's called a _mourning glory_ , then “deliver” it to the site of the job at what time.”

“Is that a pun?” Geoff raises an eyebrow as he writes that down too.

“Yeah… her coworker makes them constantly. You can't go in without her saying “God dammit Barb!” at least once.” Burnie laughs.

“Alright. Thanks for the intel. I'll make sure to ask for her on the next mission.” Geoff says, then hangs up. Interesting… this could become a very lucrative business partner indeed.

††††††††††††

“Jack you have another customer!” Barbara Dunkleman calls out, one of Jack’s coworkers.

“Thanks Barb!” Jack waves and takes her place at the cash register. The next customer is a man in a well-made suit and a well-groomed mustache. “Hello sir, how may I help you?” She asks cheerily.

“I’d like a mourning glory, please.” He says, which makes Jack freeze for a quick second. Oh. He's one of _those_ customers.

“I’m sorry sir, we don't have that.” Jack says, as she normally does, to make sure it's a real job.

“I was told by a friend you do. I believe you've seen him here before? Brown hair, glasses, usually has some stubble, name repeats itself?” The man raises an eyebrow and smooths his mustache, showing off the tattoos on his hand.

Jack nods. Alright… trusted source. She remembers Burnie Burns well, if only for his unusual name. “Ah… alright sir. I'll get that to you as soon as I can.” She takes out a pen and paper and writes the order down.

“Deliver it here,” he gives an address, “at 8 in two days.”

“Yes sir.” She nods, charges him the usual rate of $20 plus tax, and then sighs.

“So he seemed important.” Barb says after the man leaves, leaving the shop empty, per usual on a weekday afternoon.

“Yeah… got one of _those_ orders. It's in two days.” Jack shakes her head. “Maybe I should give up that lifestyle.”

“I won't tell you what to do. Frankly, it's your life and do as you will, but be careful, alright? Your second life is what keeps this place open.” Barbara shrugs.

“Well, then I just have to keep it up.” Jack chuckles. “Give you a job, since you can't make money with godawful puns.”

“I could become a comedian.” Barbara muses, starting to get a couple of the bouquets ordered ready.

“See, they have to be _funny_ for you to be a comedian.” Jack snickers.

“Hey at least I have a sense of humor!” Barbara purses her lips. “You're just a stick in the mud. You don't know jack shit about comedy.” She looks genuinely upset for a moment, before she snorts. “ _Jack shit_.”

“Goddammit Barb!”

††††††††††††

Jack checks her silenced pistol, making sure it's all in working order. It is, so she holsters it then grabs her belt of nonlethal grenades, such as flashbangs and smoke grenades. She's not a big one for loud and noisy explosions. Stun them, blind them, then move in for the kill. That's how she works. She then grabs her trusty pocket knife, flicking out the blade and checking it for rust or damage. Once again, her equipment is in perfect working order. She hums in satisfaction as she clips it to her belt, adding a crowbar for forced entry on her back.

She checks her watch. Almost time to go. “Alright… do this then I can get a good sum of money… put some towards the shop and ship in some new flowers, then put the rest to moving to a nicer place.” She murmurs to herself as she looks at her apartment. It's in an… okay part of Los Santos. Sure it's not in the “nice” downtown area with the penthouses, and certainly not the ritzy north area. But the crime rate is less where she is, and she can at least walk to work without too much fear of getting jumped. Which is why she keeps her knife on her at all times.

She straps on her body armor, altered to accommodate her bust, then she slings on her red leather jacket, the leather adding a bit more protection. She leaves her apartment, locking it right, then grabs her motorcycle and rides out to the “delivery” point.

She pulls into an alley to stash her bike as she gets close, and then sneaks to the point. She looks around, finding a building that's lightly guarded. Good. Seems like they aren’t expecting anyone. On light feet, she steals her way over to the side of the building and checks the windows. No one is nearby. She's immediately put on edge as her brain starts to think more, perhaps too much.

They could either be confident in their safety, or they could be planning an ambush, to trap her then execute her. She shakes her head and she uses the crowbar to pry up the window, breaking the lock on it with a bit of force.

She slips inside and pulls out a smoke grenade, the chemicals modified to make it a knockout gas. She walks down the hallway and looks around a corner, but again the place is empty… what the hell? She's even more on edge now. She puts the knockout gas away and then pulls out a flashbang, walking towards where she hopes the target is.

It takes some time, but then Jack arrives to a door where there's a couple guards posted outside and she chucks the knockout gas, waiting for them to pass out. While she does so, she hears footsteps coming from several directions and she quickly dives into an empty room before the feet pass her. Seems like it was an ambush, then she hears cries and coughs, before it gets quieter. Seems like a few of them were knocked out.

She opens the door and peeks out, about a dozen conscious guards are looking around, five know unconscious. She pulls her head back into the room before she’s seen and looks around for a way to move without being seen. She spots a vent, but dismisses it. She can't fit in there. She listens, hearing the guards move and then the sound of different doors opening. She dives under a desk and freezes just as the door opens, hoping her black clothing will keep her hidden. She controls her breath so it's nearly silent, her heart pounding as the sound of three sets of footsteps walk around the room. She quietly unholsters her pistol, readying it but not cocking it. The click would give her away.

“Why the fuck are we doing this?” One of the guards grumbles, checking around but not searching.

“Because someone is trying to kill the boss. Or do you think that knockout gas was an accident?” Another guard snaps in reply, actually searching if someone is in the room, frustrated with the others.

“Hey, maybe they bailed. This is a waste of time. I agree with Kate.” The third responds.

“Thanks Ally.” The first, Kate, replies, sounding triumphant.

Jack hears the footsteps near her position and as the banter continues she cocks her gun.

“Well fuck you guys!” The second guard huffs loudly, masking the click of the pistol. “Here I thought I could work well with you, but _no_ , you have to be a pain in the ass!”

“Oh calm down James.” Ally says playfully. “It's just some teasing.”

“We don't tease while on duty, in case you forgot what the boss did last time he found someone goofing off. He was in the infirmary for three weeks.” James reminds the two ladies, who fall silent.

In that moment of stillness Jack can feel her heart pounding, blood roaring in her ears… how could they not hear it. She can see the feet of James, see them tense as he prepares to crouch. It’s not or never. She kicks him in the dick then as he collapses she shoots him in the head, then she diverolls over the body and shoots both Kate and Ally. Ally goes down with the bullet slicing through her neck, hitting the jugular. She bleeds out in moments. Kate, meanwhile, lets out a cry of pain as her shoulder is hit, Jack’s aim just a little too low.

“You cunt!” She screams before she starts firing at Jack. Jack rolls out of the way but lets out a cry as a bullet hits her right arm, lodging in there. That'll need medical attention. Shit. She swaps hands and fires again, having trained herself to be ambidextrous. The bullet hits its mark and Kate goes down with a bullet between the eyes.

Jack lowers the gun, panting, taking a moment to collect herself before she sprints from the room and to a different one, the open door marking it’s been searched, and she presses herself against the wall as she listens to the trample of feet. So the other guards had heard that, huh? Meaning they'd be on the lookout for her. Meaning she's stuck here for now.

She pulls out a couple flashbangs and sticks her thumbs through the rings on the pins, ready to pull it then throw them, wanting to give herself an opening. She grits her teeth as pain flares from the bullet wound, but the adrenaline is doing it’s job to keep the pain mostly muted. She can definitely feel the blood dripping down her arm. But guards first, injury later.

As the footsteps get close she takes a calming breath and pulls the pins on the grenades, lobbing them. As the cries go up as people are blinded she sprints through the throng of people and drops a smoke grenade behind her. Damn. That was her last one. _Let’s hope this ends soon,_ she thinks.

Her grenades do well to cover her tracks, and she managed to bind her arm enough o keep a blood trail from happening. See? Completely stealthy.

 _Thank god_ , she sighs in relief as she sees she got away. She dashes in light feet back to the way to the target, chuckling softly as she sees the way is clear. She gets to the door and with quick fingers she types the password, having received it from a friend. She opens the door and slips inside, closing it behind her. She creeps forward and then frowns. The room is empty.

 _Fucking hell. If this is a dead fucking end..._ Jack thinks angrily, continuing onward. She sneaks through a few empty rooms, listening intently, before she freezes as she hears a sound from behind a closed door. She presses her back against it and listens closer. Alright, seems she’s found the bathroom. This’ll be interesting.

She takes a deep breath and opens the door softly. There’s a man washing his hands at this point, head down and back to her. Perfect. She closes and locks the door before she sneaks forward and then she pulls out her silenced pistol. She covers the man’s mouth with her hand before putting two bullets into his back. After searching him for anything valuable, she leaves the room and climbs out a nearby window, vanishing into the night.

††††††††††††

Mr. Ramsey soon became a regular at Say It With Flowers, usually asking for a mourning glory, but getting a bouquet for his girlfriend as well. However, with the frequency of the visits, Jack can’t help but wonder if maybe there’s something else. If maybe he and his girlfriend are fighting and Jack’s taken his interest instead. She can’t be sure.

After a couple months of irregular jobs she finally confronts him about it after a rather surprising and sudden phone call. “Mr. Ramsey?”

“Just Geoff is fine. Look, I want to ask you something. Something improbably.”

Jack swallowed hard. If she’s correct, well, this could cause a lot of issues. “I wanted to ask you something as well.” She admits, and Geoff falls quiet. He could pick up the tone in her voice.

“What is it?” He asks, wondering what the hell it could be.

“Well, I don’t think we should work together anymore. I don’t want to hurt Griffon like that.” She blurts out.

“Hurt Griffon? Why would you...” Geoff stops himself as he catches her meaning, then he starts laughing. “You think? Oh God no! Nononono! Nothing like that!” He shakes his head, despite knowing she can’t see it. “All those visits and jobs weren’t because I was hitting on you!” Geoff protests.

“Oh thank God. It was getting really awkward.” Jack chuckles. “But what were they fore, then?”

“I want to start my own gang, kinda, and I was scoping you out. That’s why all the tasks were different, or most were,” Geoff explains. “I wanted to know how’d you’d fare against anything that was thrown your way... and I’ll be honest, I may have called the cops on you a couple times.”

“ _That was you?!_ ” Jack says in surprise. “What the fuck I nearly died!”

“I had to make sure you’d hold your own against them! And you passed with flying colors, I might add.”

Jack sighs. “Fine. You’re off the hook this time Ramsey. But you mentioned a gang... I’d be the first member?”

“Yup.”

“Alright, count me in!” Jack laughs as he gives a cheer. “We have a name?”

“Yeah, the FAHC.”

“The fuck does that stand for?”

“Sorry Jack, that’s a secret.”


End file.
